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Happy Oktoberfest from Thor, the god of Thunder and Wiener Schnitzel!  

Most people are not aware that Thor is of Germanic descent and that his mighty hammer, Mjollnir, is not only a powerful magical weapon, it also makes exceptional Wiener Schnitzel. What would Thor do during this time of celebration? Well, he would put on some song trousers, tip back a few biers with his fraus, grab his meat hammer and pound some meat to make a polka-inspiring pile of Wiener Schnitzel. For all you mere mortals out there, it can be just as easy to pound out your own Wiener Schnitzel to celebrate. Just grab your meat hammer and before you know it, you’ll be pounding out Wiener Schnitzel faster than you can pound back a massive frosty jug of golden brew. Raise your jugs and your hammer to Nowemberfest, let’s make it last straight through Decemberfest!

INGREDIENTS 

4 pork chops (between 1/2 -3/4 inch thick)
1 cup flour
4 eggs
salt
3 cups bread crumbs
½ cup melted butter
2 lemons, cut into wedges

PROCEDURE

It’s traditional to use veal for this recipe, but you can also use chicken or my personal favourite, pork chops. 

Get a big piece of plastic wrap flat on your counter. 

Place one pork chop on the plastic and cover with another large piece of plastic wrap. Not even Thor can pound out a schnitzel with one swing. It takes some time and patience to hammer out an evenly flat piece of schnitzel.  

Here are some tips for the novice meat hammer handler. 

Use the flat side of your meat hammer and pound away on the entire pork chop surface to start tenderizing it. 

Don’t just wail on it or you’ll tear the meat.  

Hammer it evenly all over the pork chop. 

Work around in a circle and make sure you are hitting it squarely with the flat surface of the hammer. 

Keep pounding until you have a great big wide pork chop that is a mere ¼ inch thick. 

Keep it in the plastic and set it aside while you hammer out the rest of the chops. You’ll get the swing of it. 

Now get three big plates or shallow baking dishes ready for breading the schnitzels. 

On the first plate you’ll put the flour with a good sprinkle of salt. On the second plate beat the eggs with a fork and a pinch of salt. On the third plate put one cup of the bread crumbs and spread them nice and even. 

Get your biggest frying pan on the stove and heat it up over medium heat. Keep the pan dry (no oil) while it heats up. Pick up your first chop and dip it in the flour so it gets a nice even coating all over. 

Transfer the beaten meat to the egg mix and make sure it is covered thoroughly with no dry spots. Now shake off excess egg goop and dip it in the breadcrumb mixture. Make sure it is thoroughly coated and put the breaded chop on a clean plate while you bread the others.

Finish the rest of the chops adding more breadcrumbs to the third plate as needed. Now your pan should be nice and hot. Pour in the melted butter so there at least a 1/8 inch covering the bottom of the pan. Put as many schnitzels as you can fit in and fry them until they are golden brown. Flip and finish cooking on the other side. You may have to up the heat, depending on your stove and how well the Schnitzels are browning. Serve them hot and crunchy from the pan with a good squeeze of fresh lemon juice.

Serve with boiled potatoes and sautéed mushrooms finished with white wine and cream and a couple of frosty stein of the god of thunder's golden brew

Written by Pierre Lamielle — October 04, 2012

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